Thursday, January 02, 2003


I just typed out three plus paragraphs explaining that I start work again on Monday and that I decided not to move back to my old house, and I was typing so hard because I'm so keyed up that I hit a wrong button by mistake and wiped out my whole post (which, of course, I'd not yet saved). I'm not going to re-type it all because it was very cathectic writing, and the energy is mostly dissipated now. To summarize, I'll be working part-time for the same company, different subsidiary, same colleagues. Oh, and I decided not to quit my Ph.D. program at this point in time, which is why I chose to work part-time rather than a full-time. And then that led to Kierkegaard's questions:
[W]hat kind of life do you live, do you will only one thing, and what is this one thing? (p. 182)
And, further,
whether you really live in such a way that you are capable of answering that question, in such a way that the question truthfully exists for you. Because in order to be able earnestly to answer that serious question, a [person] must already have made a choice in life, [she] must have chosen the invisible, chosen that which is within. [She] must have lived so that [she] has hours and times in which [she] collects [her] mind, so that [her] life can win the transparency that is a condition for being able to put the question to [herself] and for being able to answer it....To put such a question to the [person] that is so busy in [her] earthly work, and outside of this in joining the crowd in its noisemaking, would be folly...(pp. 183-84).
And that's only a sliver of K's relentlessness.

Finally, a reminder to myself now that I'll be receiving a paycheck again, from a family who deliberately chose to "live more with less" so they'd have more to give away:
It actually felt liberating—we were free from the spending patterns dictated by the availability of money (p. 55).
From "Nonconform Freely" in Living More With Less by Doris Janzen Longacre.

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